5 Times the Gleeks Thought Kurt Was Pregnant
by Azara-Rayne18
Summary: And 1 time they found out Blaine was. When the glee club finds out that our boys are pregnant, they assume it's Kurt. They're wrong. Fill for the GleeAngstMeme. Involves pregnant Klaine at McKinley. A mix between fluff, crack, and angst.
1. Brittany

"How'd your dad take it?" Kurt asked hesitantly as he walked hand in hand with his boyfriend down the halls of McKinley high school.

"He took it pretty well, actually," Blaine said, rubbing one hand absentmindedly across his stomach, "Turns out carrying runs in our family. One of my uncles delivered his own baby through in vitro. Dad was a little freaked out at first, but he didn't kick me out or anything. He says we'll figure something out."

"Will we figure something out?" Kurt asked hopefully. Ever since he'd heard that Blaine was pregnant, he'd been waiting for his boyfriend to figure things out. He wanted to be good for Blaine, supportive, letting him make his own decisions. But at the same time, it was so hard, not knowing whether this baby would really be his.

Blaine stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to him, taking his hands, "Of course we will. I love you, and I love this baby. We'll find some way to be a family, Kurt. I promise." Blaine gave Kurt a quick peck on the cheek, and headed off to calculus, Kurt staring after him.

"He shouldn't leave you like that. Isn't he worried that someone will steal the baby?"

"What was that, Boo?" Kurt asked absentmindedly, still watching as his boyfriend disappeared down the halls. He didn't know a pregnancy glow could be so beautiful.

"I made you a shirt," Brittany said.

"What was that?" Blaine finally disappeared, pushing Kurt back into the real world. He looked at Brittany, who was proudly holding a plain white t-shirt that said "Likes to Bake" across the chest in black lettering.

"Likes to Bake?" Kurt read, shooting Brittany a confused look.

"Yeah," Brittany shrugged, "Because you have a bun in the oven. Everyone in Glee club was talking about it."

"Glee Club knows?" Kurt winced. He wasn't sure Blaine was ready for everyone to know about this.

"Yeah, totally," Brittany beamed, handing him the shirt, "But it's cool. A lot of gay kids like to bake, right? I made you this shirt because I didn't want you to be embarrassed. Also, Lord Tubbington kept eating the letters from last time."

Kurt looked over the shirt, touched. He could tell that Santana had helped because the words were spelled correctly, "Thanks, Britt," He said, before frowning. The t-shirt was a small; there was no way it would cover his boyfriend's shoulders now, much less when he started showing. "Brittany, wait, this isn't the right size-" But when he looked up, Brittany was gone.


	2. Mike

"Kurt, could you stop bouncing on your heels like that? It's kind of making me want to throw up."

Kurt froze, resisting the impulse to be offended. Everything made Blaine want to throw up lately, and the constant sickness was making him kind of snappy.

"Sorry," Kurt said, "But I had something I wanted to show you."

"Does it have anything to do with the notebook you're crushing against your chest?"

"It's a sketchbook," Kurt corrected gently, "And yes. Ta da!" Kurt opened the book and set it in front of Blaine, letting his boyfriend soak it in.

"Um, Kurt?" Blaine said, rubbing one hand against the back of curls he'd been too nauseated to gel down, "What is this?"

"It's clothing, of course," Kurt said, "For the baby. I drew my inspiration from Alexander Mcqueen and Anna Sui. They're a perfect blend of masculine and feminine elements, meant to cater to either gender. Although, I got a little girl crazy toward the end. What do you think?"

Blaine's eyes grew wide and tender, "They're amazing."

"And don't think I've forgotten about you, Daddy." Kurt hummed, flipping thru pages until he found his latest design. "They're your favorite jeans, but they have elastic in the waistband, so you'll have something to wear during the later months. I tried shopping in the maternity section, but they don't have anything that would be suitab-" Kurt stopped in mid-rant, noticing the look on his boyfriend's face. "Are you okay? Is it the baby? I'll call Finn and he'll get us to the hospital, don't worry-" Kurt reached for his phone, only to have Blaine grab his wrist.

"Maternity?" Blaine asked.

"Yeah, they didn't have anything," Kurt said slowly.

"Maternity," Blaine said, "That's what you think of me, now, isn't it? I'm just some big, fat, maternity boyfriend to you, aren't I?"

"What? No. Of course not, baby…"

"Yeah, right. Baby. That's all you see when you look at me anymore. I've got news, Kurt, I'm not just your - …. I'm overreacting again, aren't I?"

"Maybe a little," Kurt said weakly, holding his sketchbook in front of him like a shield. He couldn't help it; the wrath of pregnant Blaine was a terrifying thing.

Blaine sighed, "I'm sorry, Kurt. I did the same thing to my dad last night when he mentioned day care. The doctor said the hormones would affect me, but I didn't realize how bad it would be. Forgive me?"

"Forgiven," Kurt said, leaning forward for a kiss. "Now, you run along to class. I'm picking you up for our checkup right after calculus."

"Deal," Blaine grinned, before waltzing away. Kurt watched him step into the classroom before turning right into Azimio's sneering face.

"Where's your boyfriend, Hummel? I just realized that we were never properly acquainted." Kurt's heart clenched at the thought of Azimio touching Blaine.

"You're nothing but a vile behemoth," Kurt snapped.

"I don't know what that means, but I have the feeling you deserve this anyway," Azimio lifted the slushy in his hand towards Kurt's face. Kurt closed his eyes, silently praying that Blaine wouldn't hear them and come investigate.

"Hey! Leave Kurt alone."

It wasn't Blaine.

"Well, if it isn't Mike Chang," Azimio sneered. Mike's face was dark, and Kurt was almost afraid. "You want to stick up for the Homo freak?"

"I mean it," Mike snarled. "Hummel is off limits for the rest of the year."

Azimio shrugged, "I don't believe you. Now, Hummel, you're going to – AHHH!" Mike had stepped forward in one fluid motion and twisted Azimio's arm behind his back, dumping the slushy in his hand down the back of his shirt. "What the hell, man?"

"Wushu. The ancient Chinese art of whoop ass," Mike said. "Now get out. You sicken me."

Kurt stared at Mike as Azimio limped away, "Thank you. But, why did you-"

"Blaine's part Asian, right?"

"Well, yes..."

"That makes your baby part Asian. And all Asian babies are under the official protection of the Asian community."

Kurt was about to ask why he wasn't protecting Blaine, but he was distracted when Blaine ran out of his English class and into the nearest bathroom. Kurt winced, pulling a packet of saltine crackers out of his locker and running after him. Mike followed.

"Fear not, my sweet princes. Your child shall be protected."


	3. Artie

"This may sound like a weird question, Rachel, but do you have any pickles?"

Rachel stared at Blaine like he had grown another head. Kurt merely rolled his eyes. Now that he was expecting, Blaine was always either of food, avoiding food, or wolfing down everything within arms distance. Both Kurt and Blaine's homes had run out of pickles three days ago.

"Ummmm…"

"Op! You have chocolate. Never mind," Blaine beamed at Rachel and stepped away, humming happily as he walked to the snack table Rachel had set up in her basement.

"I have to say, Rachel," Kurt said, glancing around at the party, "This event is far less wild than your last house party. Not that I'm complaining, since your last party involved sucking face with the love of my life, but I digress…"

Rachel laughed uncomfortably. "Yeah, well… my dads are chaperoning this time." She gestured to the interracial couple standing by the door. "They thought it would be best if they supervised the alcohol intake."

"Wise choice," Kurt said.

Rachel's face took on a scary, mothering quality. "Do you need anything, Kurt?"

"Maybe some pepto bismal," Kurt joked. He could see Blaine out of the corner of his eye, scarfing down chocolate covered pretzels with unnatural relish. Kurt had the feeling Blaine would regret that once the nausea kicked back in.

But Rachel didn't seem to notice that he was joking, her face dramatically and obnoxiously concerned. "Of course you would. Tell you what; I have some organic rice cakes upstairs. Don't move a muscle, Kurt!"

Yeah, with that look in her eyes, Kurt didn't plan on being there when she got back.

The other New Directions members gave Kurt a wide berth as he danced across Rachel's basement. He swayed to the music, occasionally making small talk with Mike, who never left his side, until Tina lured him upstairs for a torrid make out session.

It was twenty minutes into the party that Kurt reached for his first wine cooler.

"Hey!"

Kurt looked down to see Artie frantically flagging for his attention. Artie shouted something. "What?" Kurt leaned down to hear him better, and Artie snatched the wine cooler from his hands. "Hey!"

"You should be thanking me," Artie said. "I can't believe you were going to drink that."

"Why not?" Kurt called back. Artie's eyes widened.

"Kurt, you're not a kid anymore! You're a baby-daddy now; do you really think this poison should be going into your body? Think of little Kurtina!"

"… I guess you're right," Kurt said, thinking of his boyfriend and their future child. Blaine was giving up alcohol, why shouldn't he? Kurt smiled. "Thanks, Artie."

"Hey, it's no big. But I can't really drink this; I'm supposed to help Brittany find her way home after the party…" Artie's eyes lit up, and he spun around, tossing the bottle at the couch where Blaine was sitting with an offhand, "Hey, Blaine, you like booze!"

Blaine caught the bottle out of instinct more than anything. He stared at the label for a long moment, slowly set it on the coffee table, glared viciously at the back of Artie's head, and went back to chatting with Quinn. Artie rolled after Brittany, satisfied at a job well done.

Kurt shook his head, opting to go and join Blaine and Quinn.

"I used to love the name Rachel for a girl," Quinn glanced up at where Rachel and Finn were sucking face in the corner and sighed, "Now I think I'll stick with Johanna."

"Yeah, Kurt really likes Elizabeth, but I'm still not sold on the idea," Blaine said. "It's so, old queen of England, you know? I like the name Athena, but Kurt wants something more traditional. I know we're naming the baby Toronto if it turns out to be a boy, but girl names are so hard to – Hi, Kurt!"

"Hi, Blaine," Kurt bounced on his heels before settling in beside them. Quinn watched the two of them grin at each other like fools and smiled, quietly excusing herself. Kurt barely noticed, "You're beautiful."

Blaine blushed, "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Don't argue with me." Kurt pressed a kiss against Blaine's forehead.

Blaine looked across the basement to where Mr. and Mr. Berry stood, subtly holding hands and smiling at each other. "Do you think we'll be like that someday? Together, with kids and a home?"

"I do," Kurt said. "Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?" Blaine popped another chocolate covered pretzel in his mouth.

"We're never calling our daughter Kurtina."


	4. Mercedes

"Blaine," Kurt said for the fifteenth time. Silence. Kurt sighed. "You're ignoring me."

"Now what would make you think that?" Blaine sniffed, slamming his locker shut and stalking away.

"Well, for one thing, the only time you talk to me is when I point out that you're ignoring me."

"I think I have the right to ignore you, don't you agree?"

"No, I don't." Kurt said. Blaine huffed, Kurt's frustration getting him nowhere. Kurt opted to go the rational route. "Blaine, you can't keep being mad at me because of something I did in a dream of yours…"

"Oh, so you admit you did it!" Blaine shrieked.

Kurt jogged to keep up with his boyfriend as he practically ran down the hall. "No, I don't admit I did it, I'm trying to figure out what I did. What, Blaine, please don't cry…"

"It's not exactly like I can help it, Kurt," Blaine said. "I mean, I'm all bloated and I'm sick all the time, and all your friends are being mean to me, and now I can't even sleep without you running off to Dave Karofsky every night!"

Kurt froze, "Why would I ever choose Dave over you?"

"Because he's taller than me and he's on the football team and he loves you and he'd spend every second complimenting your outfits instead of singing inappropriate songs and yelling at you because his back hurts, and because his hair isn't all curly and stupid! The only consolation I had was that you don't like chubby boys, but soon I'll be even fatter than he is and you'll be forced right into those muscly arms, you two timing JERK!"

"Blaine, I would never do that to you," Kurt soothed. "And I can't control what you dream about…"

"Well," Blaine said, straightening up and giving Kurt a look of pure scorn, "That's not my problem. I'm creating your unborn child in my body right now, so I'd say you need to fix this!"

Blaine stalked away; moving his hips in a way Kurt tried desperately not to think was sexy. He loved Blaine, but the boy's hormones made him scarier than five Azimios.

"Oh, hell to the no."

"Mercedes?" Kurt turned to see his best friend practically salivating with rage.

"You're telling me that you aren't pissed at him? I saw him yelling at you just now."

"Blaine's going through a lot right now, I think I can cut him a little slack for being emotional…"

"And what about your emotions, Kurt? You're the baby…. Daddy, here, I think Blaine owes you a little respect. I want to punch him in the stomach."

"MERCEDES!" Kurt yelled, scandalized.

"What, it won't hurt nothing. Just one punch, I'll get Puck…" Mercedes trailed off at the hand Kurt wrapped around her arm. His eyes looked crazed.

"I love you, Mercedes, but if you or anyone else lays a hand on him, I'll… I'll…"

"Okay, all right. Geez, you're so touchy about me, but he can do whatever he wants, I see how it is. Just know that I'll be watching to make sure he treats you right Kurt. And if he doesn't…." Mercedes threw her fist into her palm and beamed at Kurt before stalking away. Kurt stared after her.

"What is wrong with these people?"


	5. Rachel

Kurt was shaking, and he wasn't sure if it was low blood sugar or rage. Probably both, Blaine had stolen half his lunch. But no matter.

"Let me get this straight," He hissed through clenched teeth, "You want to take my solo?"

"Not for myself, of course," Rachel sniffed, her enormous nose straining towards heaven, "For you. I figured with all the stress you're under, the last thing you need is a major performance-"

" - And yet you have Blaine doing splits during the pop number," Kurt argued, getting red in the face, "You are unbelievable, Rachel!"

"Blaine's situation is completely different," Rachel said.

"I can't believe this!" Kurt said, "Mr. Schue…"

Mr. Schuester shifted behind Rachel, his face bearing the gassy look that always accompanied bad news, "I'm sorry, Kurt, but I have to go with Rachel on this one. With your condition - "

"What condition!" Kurt burst. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Now, Kurt!" Mr. Schue said.

"No, I'm gonna say this," Kurt snapped back, "If you aren't going to listen to me sing, you damn well better listen when I'm talking to you."

"Kurt," Blaine spoke up behind him, but Kurt's blood was rushing too heavily in his ears.

"You have forced me into the background for three years, and then lectured me about being special and unique. You tell us that we're all talented, but the only people you expect to actually believe it are the ones you showcase year after year!"

"Kurt…"

"And you," Kurt turned to Rachel, "You have stolen the spotlight, the attention, the boys I like and even my friends, but you are not taking this solo away from me. I am putting my foot down!"

THUD.

The choir room descended into quiet murmuring. Kurt pulled his eyes away from Rachel's stunned face to see Blaine lying on the ground, eyes closed and face paler than Kurt had ever seen it. Puck was hovering around him, looking slightly panicked, "I don't know what happened. He just passed out, man."

"Blaine?" Kurt said. He ran over to kneel beside his boyfriend, cradling his face in one hand. "Blaine, please wake up, honey." Blaine didn't answer, his head lolling limply to the side. Kurt's heart froze.

Kurt's hand moved to cradle the back of Blaine's head, his other arm wrapping around his legs.

"Kurt, I don't think you should be lifting that much weight…"

"Shut up, Mike."

Kurt lifted Blaine into his arms, a surprisingly easy feat. It made sense; even with the baby weight Blaine was so small and Kurt was athletic. But Kurt's heart clenched unevenly at how Blaine was a dead weight in his arms, not responding to the way Kurt squeezed him tight.

Kurt had him out the door and headed toward the nurses' office in an instant.

"Blaine, baby, I mean it. If you could wake up right now, I would really appreciate it." Blaine didn't even flinch. "Baby, please…"

"And what do we have here?"

Kurt looked up to see one Sue Sylvester blocking his way, "Miss Sylvester, please. Blaine passed out and I need to get him to the nurses' office. I don't know what's wrong…"

"No need to get all misty eyed, Porcelain. It just so happens that I have a mattress in my office, a relic of the time I almost defeated one Will Schuester. You lay our fine china down for a minute and we'll see what we can do to get him to his normal overactive puppy level of consciousness."

Kurt probably would have thought the offer through a little longer, but Blaine was still motionless in his arms and Kurt was starting to panic. He ran into Sue's office, laying Blaine down gently on the mattress she provided and ran his hand through Blaine's curls.

"Is he going to be okay?" Kurt whispered, running his fingers along the boy's face.

"Eh, fainting is common in pregnant weaklings. All the blood rushing from their head to feed their little demon offspring. It's one of the main reasons I had my ovaries removed. Put a couple drops of this in his mouth, he should be up and singing obnoxiously in no time." Sue handed Kurt a thermos, which Kurt regarded with suspicion.

"What's in this?"

"Sue Sylvester Master Cleanse."

Kurt shook his head and pushed the thermos away, "No. I'm not putting this in him."

"Well, well, Porcelain. A little more of that attitude and you wouldn't be in this mess."

Kurt opened his mouth to retort that their baby was NOT a mess when Blaine groaned, his eyelids fluttering. "Blaine? Blaine! Oh, honey, are you okay?"

"Just a little dizzy," Blaine slurred, opening his eyes and smiling weakly. Kurt nearly sobbed with joy.

"Oh, you scared me," Kurt said. He wrapped Blaine in his arms, planting a kiss on his lips. "I love you so much, Warbler." He gently placed a hand over Blaine's stomach, "And little Warbler."

"I love you, too, Blackbird. And little Blackbird can't wait to meet you."

They were interrupted by Sue Sylvester vomiting noisily into one of her lesser trophies.

"Thank goodness," Rachel said loudly as Blaine and Kurt reappeared toward the end of practice. "We were so worried, Kurt. Now we've decided to let you keep the solo, but you have to sit down the entire time, we're having a special stool set in the middle of our dance number so that you don't get too worn out. Luckily, I'll be able to use my solo afterwards to infuse some energy back into our performance, and Blaine, Mike's going to teach you to do something called a double backflip…"


	6. Karofsky

"I just don't think we're doing enough to support them," Tina said.

"What else can we do?" Puck asked, "I've been keeping Ben Israel's camera out of Kurt's face."

"I've been guarding him against every bully in this school," Mike said.

"I've been making sure to keep my drum solos super quiet to make sure he gets some sleep," Finn said, "I've also been keeping him away from hot tubs so the baby doesn't get a second father." No one bothered to correct him.

"I make him a shirt," Brittany beamed. Santana took her hand and smiled reassuringly.

"Honestly, I think it's Blaine we need to be watching," Mercedes said sourly, "He's seriously starting to frost my cookies, the way he's treating Kurt. It's like he doesn't even recognize that Kurt's carrying his baby."

Quinn sighed loudly, "Honestly, you guys? Kurt is not pregnant."

Rachel scoffed, "Quinn, I know that the concept of male pregnancy is difficult for you to grasp, given your conservative background, but pretending it doesn't exist profits you nothing."

"I swear, Man Hands…" Quinn bristled, but before she could finish, the glee club came around a corner and stumbled over the very couple they'd been arguing about.

Kurt had tears in his eyes, one hand on Blaine's stomach and the other caressing his face. Blaine had both hands on either side of Kurt's waist. "I just can't believe we're showing already," Kurt gushed softly, "I can't believe I'm really having a baby with you."

"I love you, Kurt, so much," Blaine whispered softly.

"I love you," Kurt kissed him, laughing softly against his lips, "We need to get to class. Don't want to be late, do we, Daddy?"

"Of course not," Blaine started pulling away, but Kurt held him tight.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"You're amazing."

Kurt pulled away and slapped him gently on the hip to get him moving on to class. Blaine stepped away quickly, an oversized sweatshirt making him look just a tad too small to be a father. Mercedes humphed softly.

Kurt's smile dropped as soon as he saw them. "Okay, guys, that's enough. I need you to stop following me. I don't know what your problem is, but it's seriously starting to drive me-"

Kurt's face suddenly blanched, his eyes growing wide and afraid. The glee club turned in unison to see Dave Karofsky bearing down on him, the usually semi-calm right guard red with fury. But Karofsky barreled past Kurt. Kurt turned and shrieked when he saw who Dave was headed for.

"Blaine, watch out!"

Blaine turned, only to be shoved into the lockers by Karofsky. Dave leaned in, his eyes scarily calm.

"I heard Hudson and Puckerman talking in the locker room after practice this morning. Did you get Hummel pregnant?" Blaine stared at him, trembling like a leaf as his hands wrapped tight around his stomach. They didn't press all the way down, bending into a very slight curve. "ANSWER ME!"

"YOU. LET. HIM. GO." The hallway fell silent, the glee clubbers staring at their resident gay kid. Kurt's face was pale; his height obvious as he advanced on Dave Karofsky. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

Dave was still breathing hard, one hand wrapped around Blaine's neck, but he shrank back when confronted with Kurt's fury, "He got you pregnant," he finally mumbled.

"Got me pregnant? He is pregnant, you imbecile!" Kurt shrieked.

The glee club froze.

"No," Rachel shook her head, "No, that isn't possible. Kurt, you're the one who's…"

"Why, because I like fashion? Because I know how to cook and clean? Because a boy with a voice this high couldn't possibly stick it to his boyfriend like a man? Geez, Rachel, for the daughter of a gay couple, you're awfully heteronormative aren't you?" Kurt snapped. The glee club winced in unison. Bitch Kurt had been unleashed. "I can't believe you. All this time, and you never thought to ask why Blaine was throwing up and fainting and rubbing his stomach? I thought, there's no way they could be this stupid, they just don't understand how to deal with a carrier. They just don't know what to do, that's all. But the truth is that none of you cared enough to shove aside your ignorance and think, hey, maybe the terrified, moody, sick boy is pregnant, and not his girly boyfriend! Do you have any idea how alone you made Blaine feel? How scared and hurt he was that no one was taking precautions for his baby? Well, no more. You idiots are going to treat Blaine like glass from now on. Puck and Finn are going to carry him through the halls to make sure the baby doesn't hurt his arch support, Brittany is going to make him a million t-shirts, and when we perform in sectionals, he had better be sitting down more than Artie! And you, David Karofsky, are NEVER GOING TO LAY A HAND ON HIM AGAIN!" Karofsky dropped Blaine, slowly backing away.

The glee club stood silently, except for Rachel, who could never be silent, "Kurt, we… we're sorry…" Kurt ignored her.

"Mike, he threatened the Asian child," Kurt said ominously, "You and Puck should have this covered." The boys spent only a second to look at one another, then headed out, Sam and Finn joining their team as they ran after Karofsky, who was busy peeing himself with fear. Kurt ignored the remaining glee club, bending down to talk to his pregnant boyfriend. "Are you okay, baby?"

Blaine burst into tears. Kurt cooed and pulled him into his chest, rubbing soothingly down his back.

"Now that's what I call pregnant," Quinn said. Then she ran to Kurt's side, "Oh, Blaine, honey, it's okay. I have a great lotion for stretch marks; you want to try it out?"

Blaine sniffed, "Yeah." And Quinn and Kurt led him away, leaving the glee girls to watch after them in silent shock.


End file.
